(subtitle: I watch bad TV so you don’t have to)
I don’t advertise it, but I won’t deny that I watched the last season of The Bachelor and am now watching The Bachelorette. I should probably quit for my own mental health, but something keeps drawing me back to the two-hour episodes. Why are they two hours? Probably because you can’t understand the complexity of the plot without the full two hours each. Trust me. This show is a roller-coaster ride of emotion.
Since you probably can’t travel down this road with me, I’ve condensed this week’s worst five moments. (Unfortunately I can’t figure out how to embed Hulu videos with WordPress, so I’ll just have to link to the clips. Sorry!)
5. This week’s group date (for those who don’t know: there are so many dudes on this show that for most of the episodes, there’s a date with…a lot of them) involved “auditioning” for a “part” in the Lion King on Broadway. You guessed it – most of the guys can’t sing. That is, until Jessie from Peculiar, Mo. steps up to the plate…and everyone hates him. Just watch the other guys’ faces writhing in agony when he can hit some notes!
(There was also dancing! It was bad, too!)
4. Ali and Roberto don some fantastic outfits to perform their air-dance in The Lion King. The other dudes express their stabby, stabby emotions.

3. Kasey sings. Inspired by R. Kelly, Kasey expresses his budding love for Ali via song. Then, later, he sings again.
Kasey’s shtick is that he will “guard and protect” Ali’s heart. I don’t know about you, but to me that sounds like something a creepy dad would say when giving his daughter a purity ring. Ali was initially charmed by it, but it seems to be the only phrase he can say, and I think she’s starting to get creeped out.
2. Jonathan, the weatherman, sings, as part of his last-ditch effort to not be so nervous around Ali. I think maybe he’s just afraid of ladies. There was a lot of singing this week!
1. After their disastrous date, where Ali tells Kasey he needs to be himself more, he decides to get a tattoo to…show how serious he is, I guess. Oh god, it’s awful. He tells the other bachelors that he accidentally burnt himself, until another guy (Justin/”Rated R”) calls him out on it. Here’s what happens next. The eleven diamonds represent the other guys? I have no words.
So there are your top five moments from this week. Consider yourself educated in the realm of horrible, useless reality TV knowledge.
(photos via ABC)